


everything i know

by vellichore



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Best Friends, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, High School, In the Heights References, Pining, Red String of Fate, Unrequited Love, they are both soft and dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24564583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vellichore/pseuds/vellichore
Summary: "Her string doesn’t stretch out into the distance towards some unknown love. It stretches out to the boy sitting inches away, and halfway between them it just… fades into nothing. Her red string leads to Ricky Bowen. Her soulmate is Ricky Bowen, and he doesn’t love her back." : in which Nini is a hopeless romantic with an emphasis on hopeless
Relationships: Ashlyn Caswell/Kourtney, Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Seb Matthew-Smith/Carlos Rodriguez
Comments: 24
Kudos: 162





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [if i were to pluck on your heartstrings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10690023) by [seaweedbraens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaweedbraens/pseuds/seaweedbraens). 



> people have visible but intangible strings that represent their feelings towards  
> • red strings represent soulmates  
> • yellow strings represent deep, grounding friendships  
> • green strings represent people that were important to you in your past, but you have moved beyond  
> • blue strings are for family  
> • purple strings represent your first romantic infatuation, or love  
> • strings can be dual colored (different colors on each person’s side if they have different feelings for each other)
> 
> ricky and nini have been best friends since kindergarten, with similar experiences to canon. nini’s purple string is to ej, who she was infatuated with for a while when they were younger but it wasn’t serious and now they’re all friends. established seblos and kourtlyn.  
> there will probably be time skips in between chapters
> 
> the musical they’re doing is in the heights bc it’s my favorite and nina/nina solidarity, but it’s pretty unimportant  
> anyways! i’m trying out writing, and it’s obviously going to be a.. process. i’m most active on tumblr @rinfangs and i just started using twitter @ethcrealism
> 
> haha also feel free to picture ricky as someone other than JB if it helps

It is a Friday night, and Nini Salazar-Roberts falls in love with love all over again.

All of her theatre friends are strewn haphazardly on Ashlyn Caswell’s living room floor, and watching the familiar scene of Gabriella Montez splattering her lunch across Sharpay Evans roll across the TV screen. The world always feels a little warmer, more familiar, during nights like these. Kourtney and Ashlyn are curled up on the couch behind her (denigrating mid-2000s fashion choices), Big Red is mouthing along to every word as he assumes no one is watching him, and EJ is scrolling through Instagram with his chin propped up on one knee. Nini’s eyes flit over to Seb and Carlos, who are sitting next to each other, both leaned against the bottom of the couch, when she sees a flash of bright red against the tip of Seb’s pinky finger. Her heart clenches for a moment, instinctively assuming it’s blood, before she follows the dainty speck of red across Seb’s shoulder, down Carlos’ arm, and to the tip of the matching finger.

Most people give little thought to the strings. They aren’t prophetic instruments of fate, after all. They simply are visible representations of the feelings a person already has. Moreover, the strings operate just like the feelings they represent. They are fickle, inconsistent, mystifying. Rare people can see every single type of string, other people none, or only one color, or only certain colors in certain situations. People like Kourtney, who can see blue, brown, and yellow strings—the most of anyone in their friend group— has described the experience as validating, but ultimately unimportant. She thinks that it’s nice to see the yellow string that ties her and Nini together, the one that proves how grounding and important they are to each other, but Nini tells her she loves her a dozen times a day so _who cares?_

Nini knows that it’s irrational, but she believes in the strings whole-heartedly. She hates the fact that she can only see one color, but even the knowledge that there are ethereal threads of fate that tie her to the people she loves most is more than enough. She has never been able to see any strings on her own hand, but relentless questioning of the people around her has informed her of the existence of the blue strings that lead to her moms and her Lola, the purple string to EJ who was her middle school boyfriend, and the yellow strings to Ricky and Kourtney. She loves every member of the small family she has carved out for herself, but she knows that her relationships with Kourtney, who is endlessly loyal and makes her brave, and Ricky, her best friend who knows every piece of her, will always be special.

Nini is so wrapped up in her contemplation, that she doesn’t even notice Ricky poking her cheek until he does it for the third time.

“You good, Nin?” his tone is teasing, but she can see the concern in his hazel eyes as she faces him. Her heart skips at his disheveled curls, at the flush in his cheeks. She takes one last glance at Seb and Carlos, beaming at this new development, before scooting closer to her best friend, leaning her head against his shoulder as she’s done a thousand times.

“Never better!” she’s proud of the lack of a British accent in her voice, as Ricky exhales in relief, wrapping his arm around her. “I was just daydreaming.”

He lets out an actual laugh at that, and she can physically feel the roll of his eyes. “About strings again?” His tone isn’t malicious, but it is dismissive. Ricky can only see his own strings, but he can see them in every color. He’s always scoffed at the way Nini romanticized them, but he stopped acknowledging their legitimacy entirely after the string between his mom and his dad turned from red to green. He thinks that the strings are only good for heartbreak, that he doesn’t need a stupid piece of imaginary fabric to tell him who to care about. He might be right, but as she watches the adoring gazes passed between Seb and Carlos, who don’t even _know_ that they’re soulmates, she can’t imagine that being the case.

**\---**

Destiny must be real, and it must have a sick sense of humor, because Nini is halfway through her rendition of “Breathe” when the ability to breathe is taken from her. The fall musical this year is _In The Heights,_ and she’s playing Nina Rosario who is frighteningly similar to herself, both in name and temperament. Ms. Jenn asked her to come in before group practice to work on this solo, and Nini is channeling everything she shares with her character— the fear of failure, of not belonging anywhere, of aiming too high, into the song. She loves that she can sing the pieces of herself that are too hard to say out loud.

She’s melting into the chorus when Ricky enters the auditorium as he does every Monday: bursting through the door with reckless energy, tossing his backpack and skateboard aside as he finds a place to settle. This is such a normal occurrence that she doesn’t even look at him, she doesn’t register that something is different.

 _“the one who always made the grade, but maybe I should’ve just”_ she gazes upwards, extends her hands out, ready to belt out this high note, when her field of vision narrows down to the string wrapped around her finger, undeniably red. The shock of it all is enough to throw her off beat and make her stumble to the right. She wraps her arms around herself and screws her eyes shut. There’s a part of her brain that’s functional enough to be embarrassed by her dramatics, but the only people in the room are Ms. Jenn and Ricky, and she has a _soulmate._ This is all she has wanted for so long, not someone to be dependent on but someone that will make her better, someone to adore and grow old with. She wonders how she has fallen in love without even realizing it, but that’s how she knows that this person is _perfect_ for her.

“Nini?” Ricky’s voice is loud and worried, and she realizes that somewhere in the midst of her mental breakdown, Ms. Jenn had shut the music off and Ricky had rushed onto stage. She opens her eyes, and sees him crouching next to her, an arm length away. He knows to do that because she hates being startled by touch when she’s panicking. She opens her eyes, ready to share the good news, when— _oh._

Her string doesn’t stretch out into the distance towards some unknown love. It stretches out to the boy sitting inches away, and halfway between them it just… fades into nothing. Her red string leads to Ricky Bowen. Her _soulmate_ is Ricky Bowen, and he doesn’t love her back. She meets his eyes, silent, and he must sense that something is off, something much more than jitters during a song, because his voice is panicked and louder when he speaks again.

“Are you okay? What’s going on?” the words run together as he hugs her tightly “Do you need me to call your moms or 911 or—“

“Ricky!” his eyes snap to hers “I’m fine, I just think I didn’t get enough sleep or something.” She laughs awkwardly, and stands up.

“You never get enough sleep, and you’ve never done that before.” His voice is less worried, but still interrogative. She panics.

“Well, I’m on my period!” she is stupid. Ms. Jenn looks like she’s about to bust out laughing, and Ricky’s suspicion is instantly replaced with awkwardness.

“Um. Okay? Do you want me to drive you home or get ice cream or something?”

“No… no. Um. This is just what uteruses do. It’s all good, buddy” Jesus. If there were a worldwide competition for dumbness, she’d lose by being too dumb to apply. Fortunately, Ricky drops the subject entirely, and places a soft kiss on her forehead. She feels a churning sensation in her stomach, and it very much is not her uterus.

“Alright, I hope you feel better.”

_Fuck._

**\---**

It’s been 24 hours, and Nini covets the sweet release of death. She’s wanted to meet her soulmate all her life, and yeah— she’s harbored a small crush on Ricky for a while— but those two facts were never meant to interact. If it were anyone else in the world, she would be jumping for joy right now. But it isn’t anyone, it’s _Ricky Bowen._ It’s the boy who nicknamed her Nini, and talked her into singing her first song, and she loves more than anything in the world. It’s because of that friendship, that she knows that he can never know about her string. She was there when his mom broke his heart, when he decided that the strings didn’t matter. If he found this out, it wouldn’t just make things awkward because he didn’t feel the same way, it would cause him to question the entirety of their relationship. He didn’t trust red strings, so he wouldn’t trust _her._ So she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t falter. If her relationship with Ricky depended on her getting rid of this stupid string, then she would damn well do it.

Kourtney laughs for a solid 5 minutes when Nini informs her of this.

“Girl, you aren’t gonna solve this by treating it like a math problem.”

“Kourt!”

“Nini. You literally made a list.”

“I hate everything.”

She did in fact make a list, filled with reasons why Ricky could not be her soulmate, blurbs from Reddit and Wikipedia about red strings changing color (with.. questionable reliability), and several frowny faces.

“Nina” Kourtney’s tone is suddenly serious and sympathetic “you’ve wanted to get your red string for as long as I’ve known you, and you’ve had feelings for Bowen even longer. There’s no easy way to delete that, and I don’t think you should try to.”

“But. I can’t tell him.” Nini’s tone is flat, as she tries to keep her emotions at bay. Kourtney is always levelheaded in situations like this, she’s always looking out for Nini’s best interest. So if _she_ thinks that Nini won’t be able to leave these unrequited feelings behind… “I’m just going to keep being in love with him and have my heart broken over and over again?” She’s wipes away a couple tears, staring down at her list. “That’s the only option?”

It’s when Kourtney doesn’t say anything, when she pulls Nini into a tight hug that she realizes how futile it is to fight her feelings. She might’ve been able to do it before there was this stupid, bright red string wrapped around her finger, pointing towards him like an _idiot_ compass. She’s spent her whole live being a hopeless romantic, and being helpless for this sweet, stupid boy, and there’s nothing she can do but cope.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nini learns and unlearns how to responsibly pine for her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is mostly just fleshing out their friendship before shit goes down. 
> 
> tw for some cussing and mention of drug and alcohol use, but nothing excessive

October has always been Nini’s favorite month, and this year is no exception. She’s wandering around a pumpkin patch with Ricky, bundled up in a fuzzy coat and a hat Gina had knitted her. They’re fulfilling their annual tradition of picking out a pumpkin for each other’s houses. While she’s always been the dreamer in their little duo, Ricky takes this far more seriously than she does. He insists that the sanctity of the Halloween season is dependent on finding gourds that adequately vibe with their lifestyles.

“This one looks like Danny Devito!” her best friend and unrequited soulmate is smiling beatifically, pointing at a pumpkin that resembles a melted crayon.

“It looks like a vegetable, Ricky”

“Use your imagination!” he insists “this is the one.”

“Yeah, if we’re trying to scare the trick-or-treaters off.” She counters. He scoffs.

“Only the weak-willed ones.” His face is scrunched up, determined— and yeah, it’s not like she was ever going to say no. She shows him the pumpkin she had already picked out for his house: it’s a bright cheery orange, a little misshapen. He full out beams when he sees it. For all the things that have changed, she is glad for this constant.

They take their time walking around the pumpkin patch, even though they’ve accomplished their task. Ricky is rambling about some weird video Big Red had showed him, and she takes the opportunity to examine her red string, as she’s done hundreds of times in the last month. No matter where he goes, the thread lurches towards him, full of misguided hope, before flickering out of existence. Despite the constant reminder of the ridiculous circumstances that are her life, Nini’s been careful to not change her behavior around Ricky. They’re still best friends, still family— the only difference is that she has a label for the lurching feeling that accompanies him being around.

“So?” Ricky is looking at her expectantly, like he’s waiting for the answer to a question.

“Um. Sorry, what was the question?” He rolls his eyes and nudges her shoulder.

“Halloween? Carlos bet me twenty dollars that he and Seb would have better couples costumes than us, and if he wins I’ll straight up riot.” Nini forces herself not to react at his casual use of words like _us_ and _couple_ , and pretends to examine the ground for a couple of moments while she composes herself.

“Peter Pan and Wendy?”

“Not unless I get to be Wendy, because Peter Pan’s a creep.” Nini rolls her eyes.

“Well I know you’ve already made a decision, so spit it out, Bowen.” He pouts, and it is decidedly not cute.

“Minnie and Mickey?” she grins at him, because it’s perfect.

“Oh, so we’re bringing your Minnie Mouse fetish back? I see.”

He shoves her into a pile of leaves.

**\---**

When Ricky is upset, he gets quiet. So when he shows up on her doorstep at 11 PM, she holds in her sigh and pulls him inside, then onto the couch. It isn’t until they’re halfway through Sky High that he speaks.

“Her boyfriend’s name is Todd.” The words are raspy and bitter, an unfamiliar tone for her best friend.

“Ricky…”

“She left us for some guy named after a fucking mushroom? Who does that?”

“No, you’re thinking of Toad.” He rolls his eyes at the correction, but lays his head down on her lap.

“He gives off strong mushroom vibes, though.” Nini laughs lightly, and begins to run her fingers through his curls. She can physically feel him start to relax. She knows that this isn’t really about his mom’s new boyfriend’s name (which would be quite hypocritical for a Richard). She gently pokes his cheek until he looks up at her.

“Listen. You’re more than good enough.” Her heart breaks just a little as she sees the disbelief in his eyes. She doesn’t understand how someone so good could be so unaware of it. “Ricky, look at me. Right at me. Your mom’s issues? Her relationship with your dad? Todd? None of it is about you. None of it is your fault.”

His eyes are glassy as he smiles up at her.

“I don’t know how you always know exactly what to say.” She smiles back.

“I just know you, dummy.” She tries to mask the affection in her voice, but it doesn’t work. Ricky sits up and wraps his arms around her.

“It’s more than that.” His voice is soft, and equally affectionate, “you seeing the good in me the way that you do somehow makes everything else okay. I can forget about stupid strings and parents that fall apart, because you’re my best friend.” The way that he throws out the word _string_ , acerbic and dismissive, hurts. Kourtney was right, making the decision to ignore her feelings doesn’t erase them.

“You really don’t believe in them?” apparently years of theatre camps have not granted her the ability to keep her voice steady.

“I’m not gonna deny that the people who my strings connect to are important to me, but I don’t think the strings have anything to do with it.” Nini nods, this isn’t anything new.

“What about the red string?” Ricky seems to think for a moment, like he’s choosing his words carefully.

“I know that you believe in it Neens, and I’m sure you’re getting your Disney princess happily ever after. But the way my dad shattered when he realized that my mom’s changed color? I can only hope that I never get mine.” She dwells on the irony for a moment, because all her naïve daydreams of a thread-bound Prince Charming have been irrevocably shattered.

“Don’t you think it’s worth it though? Even if it didn’t last, at least they got to experience that type of love. Right?”

Ricky just shrugs, and goes quiet again. Nini knows that there is more to unpack, but at the moment Ricky is okay. The most helpful thing to do would be to just get him to relax. So she allows herself to curl back into him, to revel in the warmth.

“Alright, enough sap, we’re missing all the good Warren Peace action.”

**\---**

Nini’s stage fright is always the worst when it comes to her own words. Gina and Carlos had talked her into signing up for an open mike slot at _Andante,_ their favorite café. It was a great idea in theory. Her friends have gradually eased her into posting her songs on social media or texting new lyrics to the group-chat, but performing in front of people, being able to see their reactions live, is entirely different.

It is the most low-pressure environment possible. She’s surrounded by friends and buffeted by bad slam poetry and stand up. Rationally, she knows that even if she messes up and her songs are terrible, no one will care. However, the rational part of her brain is being drowned out by the part that’s insecure and imperfect. Almost every piece of her has felt like an act lately. Every interaction with her best friend hinges on her withholding this giant truth from him. All her friends are here, and she doesn’t deserve it. The jitters in her stomach begin to spread, and she _can’t_ do this right now, everyone will be so disappointed. She clenches the microphone in her fist and forces herself to feel it, to take in the ambient noises, to breathe. She had only been standing at the mike for a minute, and no one was really paying attention as she set herself up. Well, almost no one.

Ricky meets her eyes, and his concern is clear. They’ve had too many moments like this lately, with her spacing out and spiraling and him not understanding anything except that something was wrong. He hasn’t pushed her to talk about it, but she knows that it’ll come up soon. She’s never kept something from him for so long. Her anxiety has faded back to her original butterflies, and she shoots him a smile that she hopes communicates that she’s fine.

“Hi… I’m Nini Salazar-Roberts.” The chatter in the café quiets, and she smiles again, a little more genuine. “This is an original song, it’s called _21 st Century Girls_. Hope you like it.”

And so she sings. She pulls from the ambiguous uncertainty she has always felt, the one that Gina and Kourtney and Ash have voiced to her as well.

The song is simple, and short, and yeah it isn’t really a big deal. But it is. The café erupts in applause when she’s done, which is validating regardless of her friends composing half of the audience.

She relinquishes the makeshift stage to the next performer, and smiles shyly at her friends as she makes her way back over. Gina is the first one to move, tackling Nini into a hug, and everyone soon follows.

By the time she gets to sit down, she’s certain that her face is bright red.

“You were amazing!” Seb is gushing, “I mean you always are but it’s different when it’s in person and it’s your own song.” Nini squeezes his hand in gratitude, not entirely having the words.

“Shush. I owe it all to you guys, I would’ve never gone through with it on my own.”

Her friends continue complimenting her, and ask questions about the song, before changing the subject to the musical’s wardrobe. Nini excuses herself to go order a drink at the kiosk.

“Nini!” she turns her head from her place in line to see Ricky coming towards her. He had given her a short hug after her set, but hadn’t said anything else. She hadn’t really noticed: too consumed in everyone’s loudness and the buzz from the small step outside of her comfort zone.

“Hey! I’m not letting you drink anymore caffeine today, if that’s the plan.”

“No, I actually wanted to talk to you,” he replies “that was amazing.”

“Ah, it was nothing special.” she looks at the ground sheepishly.

“Nothing special? You’re like… one in a million talented, c’mon.” The compliment fills her with warmth. Her songs are usually more whimsical: about love or dreaming. She’s glad that he liked one that was a little more honest.

“You came all the way over here just to butter me up?” she questions. Ricky purses his lips, and he waits for her to look at him before he continues.

“I noticed that you had an off moment before you started singing. And you’ve been distracted a lot frequently, and there was that whole thing at practice. I just want to know what’s up.”

“Oh!” Nini grabs her hot chocolate and pulls him into an emptier part of the building. “I was just anxious about performing, you know how I get.” It isn’t entirely a lie, but it certainly isn’t the whole truth. He looks at her, confused.

“Maybe that’s what happened today, but that doesn’t explain anything else.” A bit of an edge creeps into his voice as he continues, “and it definitely isn’t your _uterus_ , so don’t try that bullshit again.” His sudden change of tone is jarring, and a bit irritating. Everything she did was for him, and it wasn’t fair for him to be mad at her for being spacy _._

“Nothing’s going on.” Her voice betrays her annoyance. His shoulders grow taut, as if he’s preparing for a fight. “I’m just a little stressed about the future and the musical, and you interrogating me isn’t exactly helping.”

“You promise that’s it? I just want to be there for you.”

“I promise.”

She can only hope that’ll be the end of it.

**\---**

Nini is just a little bit high, dancing to some shitty EDM song she doesn’t recognize, which is a notable difference between parties thrown by Ashlyn and parties thrown by E.J. She’s not out of control, it’s more like she can move without having to analyze it first. It’s a nice change of pace.

It’s the night before Halloween, and as planned, their entire friend group is decked out in ridiculous costumes. Carlos and Seb are Flounder and Sebastian, which is admittedly cuter than her and Ricky’s matching mouse ears and polka dots. She takes turns dancing with each of her friends: letting EJ and Red twirl her around, failing to keep up with Gina’s pop-and-locking. Everyone she loves is within arms-reach, and it sets her at ease.

After a couple of songs, they begin to split off. E.J. is getting a drink with the cute guy in his chem class, Seb and Carlos are dancing together, and Kourtney and Ashlyn disappeared in search of some privacy. Ricky and Red both decide to take a break, and promise to find them soon.

It’s just her and Gina, dancing to another song that sounds suspiciously like something off of E.J’s middle school soundcloud.

“You guys seem closer.” Gina’s voice is a little slurred, but just as mocking as usual. Nini laughs instinctively, causing Gina’s eyebrows to furrow.

“Shut up, Gi.”

“I’m serious. Like somehow grosser than usual.” Nini throws her arms around Gina, bringing her lips up to her ear.

“Can I tell you a secret?” the words come out rushed and excited, and maybe she’s less in control than she thought.

“Are you coming out again?” Nini giggles in response. Maybe in another world, her soulmate would be someone like Gina. It would be easier.

“Nope!” she chirps “I got a red string now, though.” Her voice gets louder at the last phrase, because this party is loud and she wants to ensure that Gina can hear her. Her friend gasps, and pulls her into a hug.

“When the hell did that happen?” she questions “Who is it?”

“Like a month ago. The second part is a _super_ secret.”

Gina makes an uncharacteristic noise of excitement, before screaming, “YOU GOT YOUR RED STRING A MONTH AGO?” It’s very ridiculous that Nini would work this hard to repress that fact, only to let it out at the slightest decrease of her sobriety. She can’t pin this mistake on destiny, it’s all hers. Her state of mind prevents her from panicking the way she does when she looks back at that night, as if Gina screaming in a crowd full of her peers would go unnoticed.

“What?” she hears her best friend’s voice, before she turns to look at him. She first picks up on how shattered and betrayed his voice is, then the fact that his Mickey Mouse ears have slipped off his head to circle the back of his neck, then the fact that she didn’t notice that he was back in their periphery because he was dancing with someone else. There’s a blonde girl that she recognizes from the dance team with her arms circled around his waist, and she feels her heart break once, and then once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is slightly weird pacing for a multichap but oh well
> 
> any constructive criticism would be deeply appreciated! you can find me on tumblr @rinfangs for lit edits and stuff


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about how short this is: it’s really just the confrontation bc that felt most natural, but the next chapter will be the last and longest
> 
> find me on tumblr @rinfangs and on twitter @ethcrealism (where I have a cute gini au up, if that’s your thing)

Ricky doesn’t wait for an explanation, he just pushes through the crowd and leaves. It takes a few moments for Nini’s brain to catch up to this reality, to the fact that her best friend knows that she’s been lying him for a month. Ricky doesn’t usually leave during fights unless he is truly hurt, he doesn’t leave Nini, ever. She knows that she needs to find him, to explain herself, to ensure that he is okay. She can’t move.

She feels Gina place a warm hand on her shoulder, her voice growing progressively more sober.

“Nini, I am so _so_ sorry.” Nini shrugs the apology off, her motions feel stilted and awkward.

“It’s not your fault.”

“He didn’t know?” Gina sounds appropriately confused. This is not the type of secret that their friendship would tolerate. Nini can only shake her head in response.

“I’ll help you find him.”

Gina grabs her hand and pulls her through the crowd, haphazardly shoving through sweaty bodies and bad costumes. Nini’s head is still spinning, the image of Ricky with someone else has not left her mind. It’s as if her heart has had a small crack in it since she noticed her red string, and now it has fractured entirely.

They search the house for a few minutes, before Nini remembers that he tends to look for fresh air or a quiet place when he’s overwhelmed. She waves Gina off with a promise to keep her updated, this is a conversation they need to have alone. Nini slips out the Caswell’s backdoor, immediately spotting Ricky from his perch on the railing of their elevated deck. Her heart is pounding in her ears and she settles next to him, unable to meet his eyes. He doesn’t leave, which she interprets as him feeling more betrayed than angry. She doesn’t know if it’s better.

Ricky doesn’t speak for a few moments. He doesn’t look at her when he does.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” his voice is still tense and broken. Nini hates lying to him, but she still can’t tell the truth. He might forgive her for lying, but he won’t forgive her for being his soulmate. She settles on a half-truth.

“I know how you feel about the strings” she swallows “and I didn’t want it to mess up our friendship.” She picks up on the way Ricky clenches his fists, and her heart drops into her stomach.

“You’ve been lying to me for an entire fucking month because you didn’t trust me to not be an asshole about you getting your string?” The words come out sharper than anything she’s ever heard from him.

“No! No,” she protests “I just didn’t want it to make anything weird. It’s not like it matters anyways.” He scoffs, and slides of the railing onto the ground so he can face her.

“of _course_ it matters, Nini. It matters that you’ve been hiding this from me for weeks, and acted like I was insane when I asked you why you were being distant. It matters that you’ve been obsessed with finding your true love or whatever since we were in elementary school, and suddenly you don’t care? You haven’t even…” his face is just inches away from hers, and close enough to see the hazel in his eyes, “you haven’t even told me who it is.”

“Huh?”

“who your _soulmate_ is, Nini” His voice catches on the word soulmate, like he can’t even bear to acknowledge it.

“Um. I don’t really know.”

“Well. That’s bullshit.” He takes a couple steps away “I’ve never kept anything from you. I’ve always thought that you did the same.”

“I can’t tell you, Ricky.” Her voice breaks, it’s the most emotional she’s been around him in a while. “I want to, but I can’t. That has to be enough for you, please.”

“Of course it isn’t fucking enough. You’ve fallen in love with someone, and this is the first time I’ve heard about it? This isn’t how we do things.”

“Ricky…”

“Just tell me. I’ll help you with them.”

“No.” Her voice is firm, and he physically startles.

“What?”

“I’m not talking about this with you anymore.” Ricky looks impossibly more confused.

“Why not?”

“I just can’t. Please trust me on this.”

“Nini, that’s not an answer. You haven’t explained any of this.” he looks almost comical, with the wide-blown eyes, Mickey Mouse costume, curls askew, “what the actual fuck is going on with you?”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” He seems to make up his mind in the moments that follow.

“Nina, I tell you about every crush I have. I tell you when my mom hurts my feelings, or I see a cool bird outside. We aren’t being ourselves right now.” He begins to walk away and all her impending panic instantly rushes at her.

“What?”

Ricky’s voice has returned to its practiced neutrality when he speaks again.

“Talk to me when you’re ready to tell me the truth. When you’re ready to be my best friend again.”

He walks away, and this time Nini truly does shatter.


	4. iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s the last chapter!  
> special thanks to vani (@seaweedbraens on ao3 and tumblr) for letting me take her soulmate au on a spin— the first paragraph is inspired by her title choice + my ptsd from breaking my cello strings in fifth grade.  
> i feel like this makes more sense if you listen to the first 2 songs of in the heights (also bc they are,,, chef’s kiss)

Nini had once heard that meeting your soulmate was akin to having someone strum on your heartstrings. She had always adored that particular imagery— of having someone create chord progressions and lullabies out of the hidden mechanics in her chest. However, a month and a half after her last true conversation with her best friend, she felt like someone had grasped whatever her metaphorical tuning pegs were and turned and turned and turned them— letting her heartstrings grow tenser until they inevitably snapped.

After Ricky’s ultimatum at the party, Nini was left with the choice she had fought so hard not to make. She could either refuse to tell him, and lose him, or tell him the truth, or lose him even more. It was an impossible situation that had led to seven weeks of avoiding eye contact with him in the hallway at school and splitting group hangouts to avoid the other. She hadn’t realized how much of her life was consumed by her best-friend until she didn’t have him anymore. It was as though a critical piece had been grabbed from her mental Jenga and all she could do was try not to fall apart entirely.

Nini had once solved fights with Ricky by sharing her favorite yellow crayon or offering a warm hug on the swing set. When they grew up, this was traded in for handwritten apology notes or baking his favorite cupcakes. They had time-tested patterns for fighting, for apologizing, for comforting each other. For once, none of it applied. There was no precedent for the red hot anger behind Ricky’s words that shifted to cold indifference after weeks of them not talking. She knew that he had to be hurting just as bad as she was, but at least he had someone to blame. There was no precedent: so she tried her best. She spent weekends with Gina and Kourtney and Ashlyn instead of wandering downtown Salt Lake with Ricky. When it came to nights where her anxiety picked up or she just wanted to hold his hand, she wrote sad songs instead of picking up her phone.

So, when it comes to Monday afterschool theatre meetings: she tucks herself on the edge of the stage and silently takes in Ms. Jenn’s tirade instead of making fun of her with Ricky. She allows herself a few glances at him, and her heart rate always seems to react to how _normal_ he seems. His eyes are lit up (because he does enjoy theatre, no matter how much he pretends otherwise), and his curls bounce along as he nods along to their director’s instructions. He is still the boy she loves. Her string is still red. She has to look away.

The rest of practice is uneventful. She spends most of it blocking and chatting with the new student, Howie, who plays the Benny to her Nina. It’s nice to immerse herself into the role, and by the time practice ends she has found some semblance of peace.

Of course, it doesn’t last. When she and Kourtney exit the auditorium, chatting about their awful history teacher, they are interrupted by a chirpy voice.

“Hey!” it’s the blonde girl from the party, from the dance team “You guys are in theatre, right?” Nini just blinks up at her, before remembering normal human behavior.

“Yeah, we are.” The girl beams at them, and if it were any other situation, Nini probably would’ve been endeared by it.

“Cool! D’you know if Ricky’s around?” Kourtney thankfully takes over.

“Practice just ended, so he should be.” Her friend’s voice is tinged with the disdain that Nini didn’t let herself show, and it calms her down just a little. “Maybe look inside the auditorium?”

Nini tugs at her arm, attempting to convey how badly she wanted to leave. The girl seemed flustered at their obvious hostility, and a piece of Nini felt guilty: it wasn’t as though _she_ had done anything wrong. The awkward silence was interrupted by the loud opening of the auditorium door, and Nini was almost grateful until she realized who it was.

“Kate! Hey!” Ricky’s voice contained an unusual amount of excitement, and Nini’s ears started ringing. He choked out awkward greetings to her and Kourtney as well, and it was the first time in weeks that her best friend had spoken to her directly. As a front for his new… whatever this girl was.

“Hey, I didn’t know what time your practice ended but it looks like I guessed right,” they both laugh at that, and it’s not even like it was _funny._ Ricky assumes his normal role of not looking at or acknowledging Nini as they both walk out together, clearly planned. They aren’t holding hands or anything, but their shoulders bump together a couple time— and he used to do that with _her_ when he gave her a ride home after practice. She doesn’t have a rational reason to be mad, but she is. Apparently, seven weeks was all it took for Ricky to find a replacement.

//

“Oh, Kate’s the best!” Gina replies as she paints Ashlyn’s fingernail a bright red. “She’s really sweet.” Friday night has been declared unofficial girl’s night, and while Nini usually tries to steer the conversation away from Ricky: well, she wants answers. It takes a lot for Gina Porter to call someone _the best,_ and now Nini is even more jealous.

“Has she said anything about… you know who?” She tries and fails to keep her voice steady. She still hasn’t told Gina and Ashlyn who her red string connects to, but they know she has one and they know it’s the reason for her and Ricky’s cold-war act.

“Voldemort? Nah, not really.”

“Gina. This is not a joke, this is my life.”

“Well,” Gina sighs, and everyone begins to pay attention “she’s mentioned that they’ve been on like… two dates? But she doesn’t know if he wants anything more serious. That’s all I’ve heard, I swear.”

Nini nods, and changes the subject to Ash and Kourtney’s upcoming 1 year anniversary. Of course Ricky wants serious. He’s found the literal perfect girl, so why wouldn’t he?

She laughs along at Kourtney’s story about trying to do E.J’s makeup, and she finds a little more resolve. She has people who love her, and Ricky seems to be happy (with someone else). Her hopeless romanticism was bound to lead to this eventually, so it’s not like she’s surprised by how broken her heart is.

//

Ashlyn’s living room theatre party is a classic: complete with their favorite DCOMs, Carlos’ borderline obsessive handmade High School Musical board game, and Nini and Ricky in the same room. They invited Howie, and she was thrilled to see how well he and Big Red hit it off. She’s seated on the loveseat with E.J, who she hasn’t had a chance to talk to in far too long, and it’s nice. They talk about his college applications and how he came out to his parents, and everything in between. She often forgets that one of her strings leads to E.J. That when life was simpler, and she was too young to know any different, a pretty older boy liking her was enough to put stars in her eyes. She makes sure that Ricky is out of earshot when she begins to reminisce about it.

“Do you remember when we were a thing?” He laughs and wraps an arm around her.

“You mean, when I asked you to be my girlfriend at middle school theatre camp, we held hands twice, and you broke up with me? Yeah, a love story for the ages.” Nini laughs too.

“Do you miss when that’s all it meant to have a relationship?” she lowers her voice even more, and E.J. has to lean closer to hear it, “When it was that simple?”

“Not really. Obviously, I’m glad that I found you—but I’m also glad that we learned that the way we love each other doesn’t have to be romantic. I don’t think that relationships were ever meant to be easy or simple, and it’s better that we understand that.” It’s surprisingly insightful for E.J, and for a moment she is blurry-eyed and proud at just how much he has grown.

“But,” she words come out in a whisper, and she directs them towards his ear “I don’t think they’re meant to be this _hard_ either.” He presses a kiss to the top of her head, and his eyes are soft.

“I always knew that Bowen would steal you away from me,” he cracks a grin “It wouldn’t be as hard if you would just stop being stupid, and talk to each other.”

She laughs at that. “I guess you always knew, huh? The way that I felt about him.”

“Not always,” he responded, “But I did always know how he felt about you.”

She doesn’t have an opportunity to unpack that, before her attention is drawn by the loud scrape of a chair, and Ricky throwing E.J. an ice-cold glare before storming out of the room. She untangles herself from E.J, and she really had not realized how close they had gotten to each other, before following him. E.J. was right—they needed to talk, but he likely hadn’t factored in the weeks of jealousy and anger bubbling under the surface of her skin.

She finds him seated at the bottom of the Caswell’s stairs, and she doesn’t give him to chance to react to her presence before she yells.

“What the hell, Ricky?” His gaze is still cold, and unfamiliar. Two words that she never thought would apply to Ricky Bowen.

“So. It’s E.J.” he plays with a strand of his sweater and he speaks, and she is utterly confused. “Should’ve seen that one coming.”

“What the _fuck_ are you talking about?” He stands up, and is suddenly taller than her.

“Your red string, Nina. It’s E.J. You know, I don’t understand why you couldn’t just tell me that, but there’s been a lot about you that I don’t understand, lately.” The accusation is so preposterous, and off-base that she almost laughs.

“That’s literally the dumbest thing you’ve ever said. E.J’s like a brother to me now, it’d never be him.” Ricky seems to calm down a little at that, because she’s sure that he knows that it’s true.

“You were pretty cozy, just now.”

“He’s my _friend_. He’s your friend too, what the fuck?”

“Well, then who? I don’t care if it’s not E.J, but you’ve been told that you’re going to spend the rest of your life in love with someone else, and I _need_ to know who it is, Nini.”

“Honestly, why would you care?” her words sound like broken glass, and he flinches, “you’ve been ignoring me for weeks, going on dates with cute Kate, why would you care?”

“I’m not.” He swallows, and it’s more vulnerable. “I’m not dating Kate anymore, it didn’t feel right.” Nini’s ashamed at how that makes her happier.

“Why not?” she wonders, and her voice is quieter as well. “Why didn’t it feel right?”

“Why won’t you tell me who your soulmate is?”

And the questions just hang in the air, unanswered.

//

Ricky somehow managed to ignore her even more after that party. After she turned away from the steps, and returned to the living room, and he went home. So when the doorbell rings, while she’s rolling _lumpia_ with her Lola, there isn’t any part of her that expects it to be him.

She washes her hands before swinging the door open, to reveal Ricky Bowen— complete with messy hair, dark circles under his eyes, and pale skin. She stares at him for a moment, confused, before she thinks about how badly he had to be hurting for him to show up like this. She ushers him inside, and offers her Lola a few words of explanation (she understands, it is Ricky, after all), before grabbing a plate of lumpia and pulling him up to her room. He curls up in her bed, and gingerly accepts the food from her. She remembers the last time they did this— Sky High and popcorn— right before everything had fallen apart. He’s crying by the time he finally speaks, and she just curls up next to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

“They’re having a baby.” she runs her fingers through his curls, silently asking him to continue “Her and Todd, and I shouldn’t be mad. I know I shouldn’t, but she’s really, irrevocably, replacing me.”

She knows where to go from here, she kisses his cheek and promises him—again and again—that he is wrong. She isn’t replacing him, because he isn’t replaceable. He deserves so much more, and everything will end up okay. Nini has always been stingy with promises, but she offers him a hundred more before he stops crying.

“I’m so sorry Nini,” her heart breaks at how upset he sounds “I’m the worst friend in the world, like I wasn’t there for you, and I was mad and jealous for no reason, and of course you didn’t feel like you could tell me. I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve any of this.”

Nini pulls him closer, and tells him that it’s okay, that she forgives him, and she’s sorry for lying, but he’d better not push her away again or there’d be hell to pay.

He laughs, and she finally, _finally,_ knows that they will be okay.

//

Nini’s butterflies build the entire week leading up to opening night, until they are gathered backstage and Ricky grabs her hand. It’s a silent promise that he’ll be watching, and she’ll do great—so they settle down. This is her favorite character she’s ever played: even eclipsing Gabriella from their fall musical last year. The script necessitates that at least all the leads are people of color, so Ricky is part of the supporting cast while Carlos, Gina, Howie, and her play Usnavi, Vanessa, Benny, and Nina respectively.

The titular and opening number goes off without a hitch, and she thinks that Lin-Manuel Miranda himself would be proud of the way Carlos pulled it off. The music is cheery and familial, and the warmth in her chest only grows as she watches from the wings.

Soon, the instrumental track to _Breathe_ begins, and she walks onto stage to begin her song. It’s the same song she listened to on repeat when she first discovered this musical, it’s the one she was singing when her string to Ricky turned red and the course of her life changed. She knows that she won’t lose him, and she knows that she is loved, so she sings. Her voice is clear, and she doesn’t miss a step. It’s literally only the second song of the night, but she already knows that it will be the one she is most proud of. She belts out the last line, and she’s singing to her character and herself all at once.

**“Nina, just _breathe.”_**

The audience erupts in applause as she turns and walks off to the right wing, preparing to emerge soon again for her duet with Howie. The second she is out of the line of sight of the audience, she is tackled into a hug and spun around. _Ricky._

She beams at him as he sets her down, then swats his shoulder in mock annoyance, because _really_ she only has like a minute at most before she needs to be back on stage.

“You were amazing.” He mouths at her, and she hides her accompanying blush in his neck. He laughs, and wraps his arm back around her. They stay there for a comfortable few seconds, before she feels him freeze. Confused she pulls back, and examines his face for an explanation. He holds his hand up in wordless shock, and for the first time in her life, she sees a string on Ricky’s finger. It starts as a bright red shock against the pale tip of his pinky, before trailing to the point where their arms are intertwined up to a matching point on her hand. She expects him to panic, to push her away, under this truth: but he doesn’t. He simply beams at her, again, and leans toward her.

She feels her pulse quicken, and the butterflies are back. She can feel the warmth of his breath and every shade of brown in his eyes. She shuts her eyes, and prepares for the moment that she’s been daydreaming about as long as she can remember.

Of course, that’s just when she hears the riff that cues her back in— and so she opens her eyes, and stumbles toward the stage, shooting him the most apologetic look she can muster. He just laughs, and looks at her like she’s holding every star in the sky.

“Go kill it” he mouths exaggeratedly “We’ll finish that up later.”

And so she does just that.

//

Nini is wiping the makeup off her face, when she hears a knock on the frame of the dressing-room door. She knows it’s Ricky, even before she turns around to face him. He wraps her in another hug before she can greet him, gushing over her performance.

“You were so good, how the hell is my best friend so talented?” she is ecstatic and nervous, and so happy that she gets to share this moment with him.

“I ask myself that question every day.” He brushes the comment off, and instead reaches for her hand, clearly examining the string that ties them together, newly complete.

“So it was me the whole time?” the question is clearly rhetorical, but she nods anyways. The fact that he’s here with her, and that what she feels is reciprocated in some matter is enough to quiet the fear. “I’m so stupid.”

“It was a team effort.” He laughs and peppers a few kisses across her face. She tries to reach for another quip, but her mouth betrays her.

“I love you.” Shit. He doesn’t miss a beat.

“I love you, too.”

“No, Ricky, I’m _in love_ with you.” Her voice is desperate and honest, she finally just needs him to know the truth.

“Yeah, I’m in love with you too.” The world flips upside down. “Thought that had been pretty obvious for a while.”

“No, I mean romantically.”

“Yeah, Nini, I got that.” The corner of his mouth is crinkled, and she wants to kiss it. She is deeply confused.

“Not platonically.”

“I actually am intelligent enough to understand that. I, am also in love with you in a romantic, non-platonic kind of way. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.” She gapes at him. It’s like the puzzle pieces finally slot together: the way she and Ricky have always gravitated towards each other, his short-lived relationship with Kate, his blatant jealousy. She doesn’t understand how she got this lucky, but almost everything makes sense.

“What about,” she struggles to get the words out “what about the string? _Our_ string. You hate them.” He just shrugs.

“I don’t hate them, they just confuse me, and it’s not like my parents’ relationship should have been blamed on anything other than my parents. You taught me that. And,” he flushes as he speaks, embarrassed for the first time during this interaction “I don’t need a piece of imaginary rope or whatever to tell me that I’m going to love you forever, but I sure as hell am not going to pretend like it’s wrong.”

She doesn’t have the words to express the way she feels about this boy, or the possibility of a _forever_ with him. She sure as hell isn’t going to burst into song, so she instead wraps her arms around his neck and leans in.

Ricky kisses her and kisses her, and forever doesn’t feel too far off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! hope this one didn’t disappoint
> 
> tumblr: @rinfangs  
> twt: @ethcrealism


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